May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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