plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize