a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
