Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
