capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I didn't notice because vodka
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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