idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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