I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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