saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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