a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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