I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
