My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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