My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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