New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
