I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
