dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
