he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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