he puts the penis in happiness.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
