I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
