The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
