I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
