im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
