Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
