stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
