i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
