I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
