Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
