The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
