idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
