And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
