Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
