is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
