Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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