I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize