Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Your penis caused this!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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