just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
