I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
