i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
