I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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