I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
