This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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