You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
