well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
