Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
