remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
