TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
