I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
