Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
