Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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