i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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