did you get engaged???
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
