I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
