Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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