the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
