he puts the penis in happiness.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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