mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I currently don't understand fingers.
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