i just had sex bonerless
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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