I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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