im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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