You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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