i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We're too hungover to prance.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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