What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
