i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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