Quick, to the slutcave!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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