how can u be prego again
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
