I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
