I wish my penis had an off switch
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
